Sometimes ambition can be our very own undoing. This is a lesson that I am slowly starting to realize. We are in our under 30 days to the wedding countdown, slowly realizing that trying to juggle so much, makes for a frazzled brain! Sometimes I am feeling like this:
Well, maybe not quite as fabulous as Ms. Giselle, but you get my point. I feel like there are days I am literally fighting myself. Planning a wedding is hard. If anyone ever told you differently, they were lying. True it can be as complicated, and detail orientated as you make it, but no matter what, there are lots of moving parts, lots of various things going on, that you are always trying to juggle all at once.
Our engagement has been over a year now, by design. Not because we thought we needed more time, but literally there was a logistical issue. We got engaged on July 4, 2010, and wanted to get married in the summer. So either pull a crazy celeb move and get married a month after our engagement, or, do the typical move, and take a year to plan it. Clearly, we choose the later. This has resulted in a blessing and a curse all in one shot. While we have never felt time pressure to get things done, I felt another pressure entirely.
I have spent the last year contacting/acquiring vendors and endlessly searching decor designs/ideas/arrangements, etc. Sorting out what I can do myself, what I need to buy to DIY, what I cant make so I need to buy, finding more ideas, rinse and repeat! Its has become and endless cycle that I cant quite seem to break. Its a funny thing, as you often hear, when you find your dress, stop looking! Don’t go to stores, don’t look in magazines, leave it alone. What no one ever told me was, that can easily apply to the other elements of your wedding as well! With so much time before the wedding, and general interest in it all, well, it easily spirals out of control!
Not to mention, solidifying various elements with your different vendors. A lot of decisions cant be made until closer to your wedding date. Your final number of guest can greatly effect different parts, & easily effect the way they end up being. A perfect example is we are waiting on a few more RSVP’s to trickle in. Until I get those I cant lock down my caterer, cant exactly finalize our dessert bar, won’t know the number of tables that we need ,which effects not only our rentals, but floral for centerpieces. I feel like so much is still left hanging in the air! I am desperately at a point where I not want, but need to start to close some circles, cement exactly what is needed, know that I can finally cross things off my list! It also sounds crazy, but I am desperate to pay my vendors too! I just want the monkey off my back, if you will.
And lists, dont get me started! I have started countless lists of To-Do’s, projects, items for those projects, things to buy and so on! I have a folder that I swear is hanging on for dear life. I am even considering having a retirement ceremony for it after this puppy is over! This coming weekend is a big DIY weekend for me (posts to come!) & I am beyond thrilled to knock things off my list. I feel like if nothing, I simply mentally need it!
Of course like most of us, we try to balance planning our wedding, with our work! I work like anyone else Mon-Fri. So lets throw that into the mix shall we! The irony of it all, that ambition that has actually trapped me, is….. Storyboard Wedding! Apparently doing all the things that I already had on my plate was not exactly just enough for me! I loved my wedding planning tool and site idea so much, that I had to get it going, like now! I am beyond thrilled when I look at it everyday, and dreamily look into the near future when I can turn my full attention to it, I currently almost cringe at it now. I want it to be great, I want readers to like it and come back for more. Did I take off too fast, did I put too much on my own plate? Is one thing suffering to make the other stronger? Likely so to all of those questions.
Ambition drives us in life, and it can also be our own undoing. It takes a strong person to know when what drives them, might be taking them in a direction that they hadn’t really wanted to go. Feeling like a circus juggler with balls, scarves, bottles, plates, and axes in the air, is a frightening feeling. Try to realize what you can and can not take on, and by all means I must stress, ask for help when and where you can! Planning a wedding alone, is stressful. So many moving parts and elements make for a pretty soupy mix sometimes. Lean on those that want to be there for you, and know, no matter what, you will get through it….. all of it. I intend to!